hmmm...

Ever find it interesting how different people bring out your different qualities?  How certain friends bring out the immature, fun-loving child in you, others bring out the more "chill" laid back and relaxed version of you or even sometimes, some people bring out the mature and responsible version of you?  So at first I thought: "Am I being fake if I can be such a different person around different people - if my personality isn't necessarily consistent throughout?" But after thinking about it a little more, It's more about how  different people emphasize different aspects about you and it seems like they just enhance/ activate that quality about you when you're around them. Sometimes for better or for worse (because its not always the best qualities about you that may be emphasized). Sometimes its because you need to maintain some sort of balance within the relationship (one should be the responsible one if the other is going to be a mess). Sometimes the other person's personality and behaviour just makes it too difficult for you to abstain from doing the exact same thing (I'm not talking about peer pressure, but you get what I'm saying right?) ..But sometimes some people just bring out the worst in you. The uptight, irritable, frustrated and angry bitch/jerk you never want to be, but you just can't help it when you're around this person. Maybe you shouldn't be hanging out with this person in the first place.... but then you have to wonder, why does this person bring out the worst in you?

Anyway, that was my useless ponderment (YEA, I said ponderment, don't pretend like you don't know what it means even if I DID make up the word just now) ... but you know me, just sayin'

night time isn't always for sleeping.

I have survived my first night shift. 7pm-7am. I am not going to lie, it was definitely NOT easy, but not as bad as I had imagined. It doesn't help that all the patient rooms are dark [to help the babies relax and fall asleep]... but when you work over night in a dark room, holding a tiny baby that barely fits in your arms in a rocking chair, swinging back and forth... you're just begging to fall asleep; It's not what I'd like to call an adrenaline rush.... but there's something about night shifts on the NICU that I just love. I haven't figured it out yet but everything on the unit just fascinates me. I am so glad that this has been everything I wanted and more, and I know it will only continue to exceedingly surpass my expectations.

At night, everything is [generally] quiet - you get accustomed to all the monitors & IV pumps going off;  the alarms and beeping almost become rhythmic background noise - its like a little secret dream land tucked away for tiny sick babies who need to sleep and just need to get better. 

Neonatal nursing is definitely where I am supposed to be. 

Because I am in love.

 Maybe I'm still in the honeymoon stage because I'm still a "noob"...  Regardless,

L.O.V.E, love.

 

It's weird because I Can't remember that last time I felt so passionate about something... It honestly feels SO GOOD to know that you have found yourself in a place doing something you LOVE; something that challenges, inspires and drives you... It's as if going to school for the past 15 years of my life and over 30Gs of student debt was worth it because  I'm finally here. (I just need to find a hospital to hire me)

Can't wait to see the rest of you guys here with me, because it feels  AMAZING. 

the march curse is officially broken.

Since March of 1999, I have suffered from what I would like to call my "March Curse."  It was usually associated with silly, mindless things like 'boy relations' or 'birthday blues' but regardless of whatever it was, or however stupid it was, it was a big deal for me then and something would always make feel extremely upset, disappointed, frustrated or make me cry.

Last year, 2009 was the first curse-less March, but I had to wait another year, just to make sure.... and this year's March couldn't have been better. Minus the stress of a 50% paper that was worth one full credit equivalent, 2010's March has been great! Good times, good laughs, great friends and most surprisingly, 2010 March made the list for "best birthdays" (this is surprising because I am usually a horrific birthday girl cynic). On top of this all, the last couple weeks have been jam packed with excitement and anticipation to finally finish school and start my practicum at Sick kids.  

I'm actually really happy right now with a lot of things in my life and I can't remember the last time I felt like this. It actually weirds me out re: how satisfied I am with life. [Don't get me wrong, I am still motivated to achieve my goals and refuse to be content with status quo]. It just feels so good to be without so much worry, concern and stress (especially compared to me at this time last year). It feels so good to be more relaxed, less uptight about things and to be without feelings of restlessness and anxiety when I'm not in control of things. Mind you, I am still meticulous in my ways and have OCD like tendencies when it comes to organization, but the more "laid back, go with the flow, let's see what happens" Jenni is a happier Jenni. Let's keep her around.